As you may have read, this past summer’s Undies Challenge, conducted under the auspices of the Sussex Conservation District (SCD), went off without a hitch or, more specifically, nary a chafe.
Last spring, the SCD staff planted pairs of Hanes cotton briefs — yes, you read that correctly — in the soil of several farms within the county. Contrary to normal agricultural expectations, the conservationists did not expect child-size underwear to sprout later from the adult undie “seeds.”
Rather, it was the effect of the soil on these tightie whities that was of interest to them. In mid-July, SCD staff members spent a morning digging up and examining their subterranean Hanes deposits. The more decomposed the briefs, the more active the microbes in the soil, and the better the field for planting.
SCD is a strong advocate for good conservation practices, and those who excel in that area are rewarded with the designation Soil Health Champion.
It’s not at all clear why the SCD chose to use Hanes underwear. Agriculturally speaking, Fruit of the Loom probably would have been a better brand of brief to sow.
Lest I be accused of exposing the coast’s dirty linen, let me place this episode in a broader context, and I’m not referring to the size of one’s midriff.
Protecting and enhancing the health of the soil is a positive good, perhaps not rising to the level of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but a good nonetheless.
Similarly, protecting and enhancing the health of endangered species is highly valued in the Cape Region. In that regard, a colony of grey and harbor seals, possibly numbering in the hundreds, has been encouraged to develop off the coast for a decade.
Unfortunately, an increasing number of these pinnipeds — love that designation — has required medical attention in recent years; including, this past winter, one Louis Armstrong, a grey seal pup of thirty-something pounds.
As you might surmise, Louis was not the birth name given by his mother, but rather the one assigned by his human rescuer.
In any case, this seasonal coastal seal colony (SC2) is always described by the Marine Education, Research & Rehabilitation (MERR) Institute as being somewhere “off the coast of Lewes.” MERR is being deliberately vague here so as to minimize human contact with those seals.
In the words of the Institute’s director, “we aren’t keen to share that information.” “Keen” is her kind way of saying that, unless you stay away, you’re likely to pay a costly fine and/or spend some time in jail, as mandated under the federal Marine Mammal Protection Act.
Reports that the exact location of the seal colony is indicated on a map recently found at Mar-a-Lago and labeled “TOP SECRET” have been denied by both the FBI and the current owner of that resort.
Protecting and enhancing the health of the local residents is also viewed as a being of high priority in our area. To that end, we have recently seen the introduction of Moxi, a robotic assistant that works with clinical staff in hospital settings.
Moxi is not to be confused with Moxie the soda drink or the 2021 movie of the same name. Rather, she is a “cobot,” a collaborative robot, endowed with enough artificial intelligence to communicate with and help nurses and medical technicians.
She is capable of securing patient supplies, delivering lab samples and medications, and, with a computerized arm, Moxi can even correctly press elevator floor buttons to speed her on her way.
Currently, there are two Moxis in the state, and they are located at the Christiania Hospital in Newark. These cobots work 22 hours a day and were constructed by the aptly named Diligent Technologies. The Moxis spend the other two hours getting re-charged à la Tesla.
As Beebe Healthcare and BayHealth duel or scalpel it out for ascendancy in the Cape Region, perhaps one of them could get a chip up, so to speak, by being the first in the area to have its own cobot. I’d suggest it be called Soxi.
Besides collaborating with nurses and med techs, Soxi might perform another function.
Sometimes we humans need a way to vent our frustrations. A recent study of workforce stress from Oracle and Workplace Intelligence, a human resources firm, found that 68% of workers would rather discuss their tensions and anxiety with a robot than with their manager.
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Perhaps while cobots like Moxi, Soxi, and Cotton-tail (forgive me) are getting charged up, they could productively spend their downtime lifting up overworked nurses by listening without comment to the latter’s work-related concerns; thus, serving as emotional support cobots.
Mike Berger is a freelance writer and retired university administrator with a home in Lewes. Contact him atedadvice@comcast.net.
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