According to Point2homes, a real estate website, Delaware is a destination of choice for those in a committed relationship.
By their count, Delaware came in No. 4 in the nation as having the most married couples that moved to the First State from somewhere else.
“Married couples are going strong here, with a median marriage duration of 20+ years, while the state also takes 19th place in the wellbeing index,” according to the website.
Statistics, even from real estate websites, can be fun and all — but analyzing data can only take you so far. After all, true love that lasts always has been some mysterious combination of luck, chemistry, patience, commitment, toilet paper replacement strategies — and a whole lot of other things we may not agree upon.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, we caught up with three Delaware couples to ask them about what attracted them to each other in the first place, how their lifelong commitments have held up so far and what secrets they are willing to spill about making love last for the long haul:
Autumn and Jim Awesome
What’s in a name?
Well, for Autumn and Jim Awesome, choosing a name set the tone for their entire relationship.
The Newark couple celebrated 10 years of happily married life last fall with an Airbnb getaway to a cabin in the woods, their first trip alone in five years.
It was awesome.
Autumn, Jim and daughter Fiona, who, not coincidentally, is 5, make their home in the house Jim grew up in, but not much else about their life together is conventional.
And that’s just how they like it.
Autumn, 40, works late shifts as a perioperative clerk, scheduling and billing for surgeries at ChristianaCare. Jim, 44, describes his gig as “stay-at-home house husband,’’ where he also supports Fiona with homeschooling curriculum.
It may have been 10 years since these Valentines got hitched, but no one who attended their outside-the-box wedding is done talking about it. And why would they? The reception for 130 guests at Deerfield Country Club “was not for the golf course crowd,’’ Jim recalled.
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Autumn still has the same enthusiasm for the fun wedding details she had when they first began planning the affair. “My main requirement for the wedding, since I figure I’m not doing this again, was to do it our own way. I really wanted a mashed potato bar, so that was a big requirement of it.’’
She got her wish, and the tone of the party was clear from the outset as arriving guests were greeted by LED poi balls glowing to an electronic dance music soundtrack as the bride and groom entered from opposite sides of the room. Party favors included glow sticks so the whole room was illuminated.
The fun also included fire dancers, Irish dancers and a surprise appearance by longtime friend Allen Shaver dressed in a SpongeBob SquarePants costume. “We found a hip-hop version of the SpongeBob song, and it was a really good time. People all danced,’’ Jim recalled.
The biggest surprise of all was the name the newlyweds chose to take as they joined their lives together.
“We decided we were starting our life and it was ours together,’’ recalled Jim, who emphasized that he entered the wedding ceremony to a Marilyn Manson song. “The traditional rules are all the same – the wife takes the husband’s name or they hyphenate. We don’t need any hyphens. We threw around a bunch of different names and then we decided, let’s be Awesome!’’
“And Awesome is something we’re good at,’’ Autumn agreed.
The couple went before a judge to make the change legal after bouncing the concept off a few family members and friends. The judge’s response? “Go have fun being Awesome!’’
Asked how they met, the Awesomes were happy to share the connections that led to lasting love. “We actually met a couple of times and didn’t know we had met,’’ Autumn shared.
There was the time they met through a mutual friend at a party where Autumn was bartending. They flirted briefly. It’s also possible they had met at a party even earlier than that.
And then there was the fateful day they met again at Delaware Saengerbund Oktoberfest, where Autumn and her friend were “handing out random stickers to people.’’
“She gave me a sticker and I said, ‘I Love Stickers!’” Jim said with a laugh. “I don’t know how I did it, but I got her phone number. We (were with others) and then we were magically not with those people anymore.’’
Autumn and Jim moved in together a few months later, and two months after that they traveled to California to visit friends. Jim took the opportunity to pop the question in front of Sleeping Beauty’s Castle at Disneyland.
While the couple has never questioned their commitment or their love, sometimes romance has to be squeezed in as she works nights and the family mostly has only mornings together. They try to make sure to plan date nights at least once or twice a month, which during the pandemic has been challenging.
A recent evening at a fire table at Midnight Oil Brewery was special because “we were not in our house or our backyard,’’ Autumn said with a laugh.
Asked about their decision to be the Awesomes a decade later, the couple agreed it was a good guide post, “a standard’’ to hold themselves to — their own level of awesome, which is not the same as anyone else’s necessarily. And then Fiona adds her own level of awesomeness to the mix, they say.
The way to keep a marriage strong, they agree, is not to keep score.
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“It’s not about, I did this for you so many times. No, it’s just, ‘I’m a responsible human.’ You can’t walk around with a bunch of unspoken expectations.’ You need to be open and honest to make any relationship work, and it’s especially important with the people you are spending all your time with.’’
Said Jim, “It’s about patience and communication. You feel like you are going to say things that may upset them, but you have to be able to have those conversations at the right times, with a lot of patience and air out what’s going on.’’
“We are in it to be in it,’’ Autumn said.
Tina and Rick Betz
Tina is the longtime director of Wilmington’s Office of Cultural Affairs and founder of the 34-year-old Clifford Brown Jazz Festival. Rick was best known as the longtime owner of Fat Rick’s BBQ, as well as Miz Walt’s Chicken with Tina.
Together, they are a bona fide power couple, buoyed by Tina’s cheerful love of the arts and Rick’s always-effervescent personality.
Their love story dates back to September 1965 when both were 14-year-old ninth graders at Bayard Junior High School. That’s when a friend of Rick’s encouraged him to call her.
“The problem was that he didn’t have a phone number to give me and her last name was Jackson!” Rick said.
That would not deter him. He searched the seemingly endless string of Jacksons in the phone book and eventually found her phone number. By spring 1966, they were a couple and will celebrate their 52nd wedding anniversary this year.
So what’s the secret to their success?
He said respect is at the core of their relationship. You’ll never find them cursing and fighting. It’s just not their speed.
Instead of Valentine’s Day, Rick sends Tina flowers every April 30 to commemorate the day of their first kiss: April 30, 1966.
For them, Valentine’s Day is usually low-key — a nice dinner in the same home they have lived in for five decades and that’s about it.
“Valentine’s Day was kind of hokey,” he said. “It just wasn’t kind of necessary.”
Sherell and Michael Flagg
Michael and Sherell Flagg, owners of RESH Salon & Spa in New Castle, have a Valentine’s Day tradition of cooking lobster for each other. But there’s a twist.
Sherell can’t be in the kitchen when her husband is cooking.
“In the kitchen when he’s cooking, the cabinets are open, the drawers are open, the refrigerator might be open, the microwave, the oven … like everything is open,” said Sherell, of Newark. “That’s just a pet peeve.”
But Sherell knew from the beginning that Michael had a habit of leaving doors open. That’s how she met him 20 years ago after she walked through the doors of his former Synergy salon in search of a job as a stylist.
She met her future father-in-law and brother-in-law at the salon that day.
“Me and his dad hit it off right away. And when I was about to leave, his dad said, ‘No, you can’t leave. You have to meet my other son,’ because Mike’s brother was there at the time,” Sherell explained. “When Mike came in the salon, his life changed forever.”
Mike knew meeting Sherell that day wasn’t a coincidence, he said, because “I prayed for her.”
In 2009, they got married. Less than a week later, the Flaggs found a new home for their business RESH Salon. Even though they’re both stylists, the couple doesn’t style each other’s hair often.
“Because of our schedules, honestly, it’s kind of hard sometimes to get into his chair,” Sherell said. “Or then there’s times when I’ll sit in his seat and he wants to do whatever he wants to do with my hair, but I might want something else.”
The Flaggs have four adult children, and the couple became new grandparents in December. Having a grandchild has shifted their mindset.
“As Black men, we probably don’t think we’re going to live to be 100 because you see so much death and craziness going on. But [having a grandchild] makes you want to look forward to the future,” Mike said.
“I’ve got to see this child graduate. Or I want to see her walk down the aisle. I want to see her daughter. Now it’s about legacy.”
Sherell thought she could chill when her children became adults. But having a grandchild is keeping her and her husband on their toes.
“It’s like, ‘Nope, the chill is over.’ It’s back to the legacy grind,” she said. “It’s just beautiful. Babies are God’s blessings to the world. They’re definitely a blessing to the Flagg family.”
One of the keys to the Flaggs’ longstanding relationship has been having mentors who have healthy marriages. That’s encouraged the Flaggs to upgrade their circle of influence, which has caused them to view marriage differently.
“We talk to people every day who aren’t making it in their relationship. And they have crazy ideas on how a marriage should be because they never really talked to people that have been successful,” Mike said.
In October, the Flaggs will celebrate 13 years of marriage. But before then, they’ll likely enjoy a homecooked dinner at home on Valentine’s Day.
Mike said his wife needs to cut him a break about leaving the refrigerator cabinet doors open whenever he’s cooking a meal. The reason he leaves the kitchen in disarray is because he has tunnel vision.
“When I’m on a mission, the focus is completely on that mission and not on what I just did, or on all the steps that it took for me to get to that mission,” Mike explained.
“Oh, the garage door. Don’t forget you’ll have the garage door open, too,” Sherell interjected.
“It’s all about timing. But everything will get shut,” Mike responded.
