- The slur was uttered by the bar’s doorman in front of the venue’s owner
- Multiple bands now say they will not perform at Oddity Bar because of what transpired
Wilmington’s Oddity Bar was founded a decade ago as safe space for a diverse crowd mixing local bands with drag shows and more on its Wawaset Heights stage.
But on June 23, an anti-gay slur hurled at a customer by the bar’s doorman ― in front of one of the bar’s owners and caught on tape during Pride Month ― has shattered the bar and music venue’s reputation with some patrons and bands who now say they will not return.
Immediately after the incident, which occurred during a concert by Delaware metal acts ABYDOS, Bastion’s Wake and Candlewax as ABYDOS was performing its final song, those who heard the comment confronted the doorman as co-owner Napoleon Hernandez looked on.
In a 19-second video clip uploaded to Facebook by ABYDOS bassist Zach Schroeder, an argument is already ongoing about moshing at the venue, one of the few stages left in the state catering to original bands.
“Then don’t invite metal bands to play,” one man is heard saying before the doorman says, “F—-t.”
A woman immediately responds, “Whoa. You can’t use that slur. Hold on, hold on. Using that slur is not OK.”
The bands and bar react in the aftermath
After the incident, word began to spread on social media about what happened with some pointing out that Hernandez, who owns the bar with his brother Manny Hernandez, did not confront the doorman about his language.
Candlewax bassist and vocalist Josh Deckman said he had a long conversation with Napoleon Hernandez after the incident with the doorman standing nearby, expressing how the behavior was unacceptable.
“[Hernandez] seemed very indifferent towards everything and was not apologetic at all. He just kind of took the doorman’s side the whole time,” said Deckman, 29, of Claymont. “I literally told him, ‘Look at me: I have nail polish on and I’m flamboyant. As a member of the [queer] community, what am I supposed to think? That I’m not welcome here.’ They were dismissive of that.”
ABYDOS and Candlewax released a joint statement on social media a few days after the show about what happened.
“We are deeply disappointed in the way the situation at the end of Friday night’s show was handled at Oddity Bar. Candlewax and ABYDOS do not support bigotry, hate, and abuse towards our community,” it read. “We are always focused on delivering the best possible experiences for our supporters which includes ensuring a space where everyone feels safe and can be themselves.
“Come catch us at a future show at a different spot. We will continue growing the music community and speaking up when things aren’t right. F–k hate.”
After the band statement was released, Oddity Bar posted its own statement on Facebook about it.
“I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to ABYDOS, Bastion’s Wake and Candlewax for doing an awesome show this past Friday night. Unfortunately it did not end the way we all wanted it to end,” the post read. “A patron was asked to work the door by the host band, ABYDOS. The views expressed by the patron who was asked by the host band to help work the door does not represent the Oddity Bar in any way shape or form.
“Inclusion is of utmost importance to us and we would like to apologize for the situation. We want to ensure we provide a safe and welcoming space for everyone.”
Members of Bastion’s Wake and Candlewax denied they chose that doorman and said the man at the door was a patron of the club chosen by the venue to collect the night’s cover charge. “And even if we did, I would’ve expected them to be removed by the bar after those comments were made,” said Bastion’s Wake guitarist Ray Hunter III.
The bar’s online response has generated nearly 300 comments with fans, band members and others upset over what they called the bar’s lack of accountability and responsibility for the person representing the business at the door. A minority of the commenters defended the bar, saying it has always been a welcoming spot, including under the current ownership.
On Wednesday, Oddity Bar posted a second apology, this time directed to the LGBTQ+ community. It mentioned that the doorman has now been banned from the bar.
“We share your frustration and your anger. This language and behavior is deplorable. The words were offensive and insulting. It is a word that should not be in anyone’s vocabulary and we want to apologize to the the individual that these words were directed to, as well as, the LGBTQ+ community and beyond,” it read. “To the LGBTQ+ community, we are deeply sorry and you should never be denigrated with this type of cruel and hurtful language. One post or apology can never capture every wound that is carried, but this is our attempt to acknowledge and begin the healing process.”
When contacted by Delaware Online/The News Journal, Manny Hernandez referred questions to his brother.
“I’m certain my brother Napoleon can make himself available to speak with you,” he wrote. “Feel free to message him on [Facebook] and I’ll also let him know that you’d like to speak as well.”
Napoleon Hernandez did not respond to messages by press time
Oddity Bar’s history of inclusiveness
Oddity Bar was founded 10 years ago by Pat McCutcheon and Andrea McCauley, adamant that their Greenhill Avenue bar would be an inclusive venue that celebrates diversity, welcoming all no matter their race, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender identity.
It was there where you could find events such as a drag show, a rockabilly concert, adult bingo and hip-hop ― all in one week.
Pop star Kesha even filmed her music video for “Woman” at Oddity Bar ahead of her Firefly Music Festival appearance in Dover in 2017. A longtime LGBTQ+ supporter, she made news when she posted her support for the cause during Pride Month last year, declaring that she wasn’t straight or gay.
McCauley posted a message on her Facebook page earlier this week clarifying that she and McCutcheon were no longer the bar’s owners while expressing disappointment over the incident.
“Pat and I would never stand for what allegedly happened at Oddity over the weekend,” she wrote. “We’d never condone homophobia and bigotry. It’s truly devastating to think people went there expecting the safe space we strived to create and encountered the opposite.”
The couple sold the bar to patron and substitute teacher Gillian Daniels in 2021, whose ownership lasted about a year before selling it to the Hernandez brothers.
The current owners have hosted a mix of shows over the past year, featuring local bands, along with open mic nights and DJs. It also hosts comedy shows, bike nights, jam sessions and ladies nights.
Some patrons and bands won’t return
As a queer woman, Oddity Bar customer Amber Whitehead was disturbed by what she saw at the venue that night, attending with her fiancée to see friends perform in Candlewax.
Now living in Havre de Grace, Maryland, the 25-year-old North East, Maryland native has seen homophobia up close before, dating back to when her high school first introduced a gay-straight alliance student group, which was met with pushback from some students and teachers.
Even so, she wasn’t prepared for what happened on her first visit to Oddity Bar.
The incident began when a few fans were dancing and pushing each other while ABYDOS was performing a song by heavy metal act System of a Down, she said, before the doorman approached and put his hands on the shoulders of the lone female in the group. Whitehead said she witnessed him yell at her, telling her to stop.
That’s when Sam Bonavita, 24 of Collegeville, Pennsylvania stepped in and confronted the doorman, causing the band to stop playing. “I didn’t even know he was the doorman. I just saw some old dude grabbing my friend and yelling at her and, like, shaking her.”
The doorman ordered them to leave the bar and after they paid their tabs, the doorman said the slur as they were walking out, he said.
Said Whitehead: “I’m queer and all my friends who were there, for the most part, were queer. So it was just very unnerving and unsettling and uncomfortable. And when my fiancé started talking with [Napoleon] about the altercation afterward, he was being aggressive back to my fiancé.
“I was genuinely in shock watching this whole thing transpire. All [Napoleon] had to do was tell [the doorman], ‘You have overstepped. You are out of bounds. That’s inappropriate and you need to stop.”
After the incident, the bands went outside to apologize to their fans for what occurred, something she said Hernandez did not do.
ABYDOS and Candlewax have said they will not perform at Oddity Bar again and while Bastion’s Wake has not had a group discussion about it yet, they currently have no plans to play there, said band bassist Hunter.
Other local acts not on the bill that night have also decided against performing at Oddity Bar in the future, including Wilmington Americana act Edgewater Avenue, led by frontman James Johnson. Under previous owners, his band performed at Oddity Bar five times, but his days as both a performer and patron are over after reading about what happened.
“This was an inclusive place. I’ve played in a band for nine years and people act up and get crazy in bars, but I’ve never heard of Oddity being a place where people get called slurs,” he said.
On top of the homophobic insult uttered by the bar’s doorman, he said he does not believe the bar took appropriate responsibility for what happened and the lack of action afterward in its apologies.
“Why would the bar blame the band? Nobody brings their own doorman. You own the bar. There was no accountability whatsoever,” he added. “It was a milquetoast, bulls–t apology. As a patron, I can buy beer somewhere else. And as a musician, I can make $50 and free beer somewhere else.”
For Deckman, it was not the first time he heard that slur directed at him or his friends, but it’s never happened at one of their shows since their scene is very inclusive.
He said he has found a silver lining in what transpired: the supportive reaction from those who were there and other allies who have heard about the incident.
“I feel really proud of our friends, family and community. We’re all there for each other,” Deckman said. “You like to see when trash takes itself out. And now we know their true colors, I guess.”
Have a story idea? Contact Ryan Cormier of Delaware Online/The News Journal at rcormier@delawareonline.com or (302) 324-2863. Follow him on Facebook (@ryancormier) and Twitter (@ryancormier).
